William Petruzzo

I was hanging out with a friend of mine this morning for some unofficial bible study. We ended up in James and inevitably we ended up talking about the condition of the church—something we both agree is not in good shape. During the discussion, I got to wondering what kinds of complaints our kids have for the church we, by then, will foster.

Without a doubt, the church in the coming generation will look different than it did in the last generation. People, especially young people, are leaving the church in exodus—not the faith, the church. So, assuming that God makes good on his promises to keep his own, in 40 years, us young people will be in our parent’s position. We will deciding on how things are structured and how they are executed. And just like our parents we’ll probably be taking some things too far and missing the heart of the matter in some ways.

In fact, we’ll probably be doing some things that we don’t even remember why we started doing them in the first place—or at least why we continue to do them. And, like the generation before us, the new eyes reading the scriptures will see the errors that have become invisible to us.

Therein was my question born. When that day comes, what complaints will our children have, what errors will our children see, what reform will they demand? My friend answered clearly in one short little sentence. It hit me hard—almost like he’d actually hit me with something.

He said this: “Why are you so angry?”

Today, perhaps our generation’s frustration and anger with the current church culture is justified, maybe even a righteous anger. But, will we be able to see the errors corrected, then move on in grace and peace? Or will we, like many generations before us, make the good reform a detriment to ourselves.

Perhaps by the grace of God, perhaps through the word,  perhaps by prayer, their question won’t be such a painful one.

I’m an uncle twice over. Once of a nine year old girl and once of a nine month old boy. I’m not a father, but my family is close and being an uncle gives me a small glimpse into what it must feel like to worry about a child.

Girls are becoming women faster. Boys are becoming men faster. Well, at least in terms of independence and sexuality. The culture seems to gear nearly everything toward sexual value. Girls are made valuable by being counted as sexually desirable, while boys are made so by being able to successfully solicit sex (see American Pie, Sex and the City, the 40 Year Old Virgin and just about anything on MTV).

This is unsettling, to say the very least.

A couple of years back I worked for a not-for-profit company as an entertainment analyst. My first assignment was to watch and document children’s television. I spent nearly eight hours every day for several months watching Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, the Disney Channel and others. What I learned was startling.

Children’s television was once a tool for teaching (see Sesame Street). Today it’s a babysitter, which the media is using very strategically. The goal, perhaps not directly, and I’m sure for many of the writers not intentionally, is to condition children. The earlier people think sexually, the earlier they are spending money on sexually minded or oriented products.

It sounds like a wild conspiracy theory. I thought so too before I got to see it first hand in a highly concentrated environment.

Consider this: Nickelodeon is owned by MTV. During afternoon programming (i.e., as kids are coming home from school) on Nickelodeon, it’s not at all uncommon to see advertisements for programming on the parent network MTV or MTV2 along side advertisements for toys and music. MTV’s afternoon programming includes some of the raunchiest entertainment on television (see the dating show Next on MTV; you’ll only need to watch about 2 minutes. Take note of how young the participants on this show are).

The Disney Channel, which in its basic programming appears harmless, doesn’t have the best track record for producing respectable men and women as roll models (see Brittany Spears and Justin Timberlake). The Disney Channel is a cycle. Yesterday I saw Hannah Montana on the cover of a tabloid.

Some days of the week the Cartoon Network has been known to play it’s night time adult programming during the day (see Aqua Teen Hunger Force).

Why do the Bratz dress like that? Why do Barbies have such huge breasts?

Here’s my problem. Here’s what I want to know: why must my nine year old niece wear a bikini? Why is she asking to shave her legs already? Why do her skirts keep getting shorter and shorter? Why do all her favorite songs (sold on kids CD’s) all seem to have sexual overtones? She doesn’t understand these things yet. But she will soon and someone stands to make a killing on her sexually dependant subconscious.

It kills me to think my niece might one day view her own value through her sex appeal. Consider Victoria’s Secret. Why make sexy ads for women, unless the ad is designed to stimulate a woman’s perceived value as seen sexually by men? It kills me to think one day my nephew may be a man helping to drive women in that direction through his own sexual perceptions and standards.

It isn’t about ruining children, it’s about making money and there’s tons of money in sex. So that’s the question. How do you protect a child from a system and industry that begins with Kidz Bop and ends with the Pussycat Dolls? That begins with the Disney Channel and ends with pornography? How do you protect children without sheltering them from the realities of the world? How do you help make them wise, discerning, self-respecting, God fearing?

I have no idea. I’m not sure anyone does.

I was having a conversation with a friend this evening and the topic of parenting arose. Well, more specifically the topic of becoming parents one day. It’s something that, for me, sends chills down my back.

The whole idea that at one point a person doesn’t exist. They don’t have any life of any kind. Then, all of a sudden, they do exist. They’re these little, totally helpless, creatures that are slowly going to turn into functioning human beings with ideals and feelings and emotions and so on and so on. What shapes those things? The parents.

That freaks me out. It’s nerve wracking to think about.

In normal, ordinary life, the consequences of our actions are generally restricted to our own, cognizant selves. We will be able to handle and deal with the repercussions of our decisions. Even when our decisions do affect others, usually they’re other self aware human beings that will be able to rationalize their way through things.

Children are not so.

With children, they rely fully on their parents. Not just in a practical sense, like they need food and water. But in a totally spiritual, emotional, developmental sense.

Mistakes made with children won’t easily be reasoned out by the child. Instead they’ll be indexed into some incredible mental database of developmental understandings. Then later, hopefully, they’ll be able to go digging through those old files to find what’s “messing” them up.

That’s a lot of pressure. Sheesh. Seriously, I have a ton of respect for friends attempting to raise kids. I simultaneously envy and don’t envy their condition.

When I think foreword to the possible future I might have with a family, likely containing kids. I get kind of a queasy feeling in my gut. Like, “Gosh Bill, if you think you can find some big mistakes to make now, just think about the mistakes you could come up with when you’ve got kids!”

I recall something my father has said on a couple of occasions. He said that as me and my sisters have been growing up there’s been times when he’d think back and start to dwell on mistakes that he and my mother have made. But ultimately regretting them wouldn’t do too much good, because even if he could go back and do it again, he’d just find different mistakes to make.

That seems like pretty good insight to me.

At the end of our conversation, my friend said something on the topic that I find comforting. Pretty much any way you look at it.

She said, “If God decides you should have kids, he must think you can handle it.”

That’s true. That’s comforting. If God decides to create life at the hands of two people, he must have something in mind for it. Now doubt, it’s his glory. Perhaps displayed in his mercy upon our dismal failure. Or perhaps displayed at our impeccable results when following his Word. Or maybe for some reason I totally don’t see right now.

That’s good enough for me. So at that, go ahead. Bring on parenting. Sounds like a blast!